I was poking around my basement the other day and found a crate full of weird stuff (an old brooch with a zombie curse attached, a hurricane lamp that generates … Continue reading From the Journals of Elmo Von Knippenberger
General nonsense, silliness, and, and observations about life, the universe, and everything in between.
I am not a vegetarian. Really the only thing keeping me from hunting and tearing into the flesh of small furry animals myself is I’m too fat and lazy, and … Continue reading Six Annoying Questions Vegetarians Always Hear
There comes a point in every man’s life when he decides it’s time to let Mother Nature take her course and let the old face garden grow. To mimic the … Continue reading Attack of the Vacation Beard
If you need any more proof that I’m a man married to the places and routines of the past (as if the knowledge that I’m still living in my hometown … Continue reading Down the Shore
When last we chatted, I was being escorted to Airport security because SOMEBODY didn’t appreciate my CPAP inspired Bane impersonation. Luckily for me, I used my superior intellect to devise … Continue reading Portland Trip – Part 2: San Francisco
I recently had to take a business trip across country, (Portland by way of San Francisco). I’ve decided to recount my journey for your entertainment. All of what you read … Continue reading The Portland Trip
The editorial calendar says this is the week I write my first advice column for young writers. I know what you’re thinking. Jim, haven’t you been writing for like only … Continue reading Writers Advice – Show Don’t Tell
I had been planning on writing some summer movie reviews this week, but then I ran into this story: http://abcnews.go.com/blogs/headlines/2012/04/killer-swan-blamed-for-mans-drowning/ The guy was killed by a swan. A goddamn swan! … Continue reading My Five Favorite Brushes with Death
I’m in the midst of an incredibly busy June and tucked between bachelor parties (including a kickass Zombie Survival Camp), my oldest daughter’s graduation and my bro-in-law’s wedding, I had … Continue reading 2012 Philadelphia Writers Conference
Forgive me reader for I have sinned. It’s been 15 months since my last submission. When I started this blog, way back in the beginning of 2010, I really thought … Continue reading Why Hello Again!!!
Three miles per hour. That’s the average land speed attained during the homebound trek of the species Fattus Guyus Knippius. I’m sure you see 3 MPH and start wondering if … Continue reading I’m ranting, I know…
I’m always abiding by the rules, often to my detriment, but the one time that haunts me the most involves band camp, a gorgeous redhead, and a 120 year old elevator operator with the evil eye…